Thursday, May 31, 2007
``
12:21 AM
Well..
Min did suggest to shut down this site, but I didn't want that to happen. This site has followed both me and her through our relationship for almost 2 years, just a few days after we got together. Honestly, if you ask me right now, I dunno how things are between me and Min anymore. Is there any movement? Any progress? Probably I'm the one being distanced. I feel far away, afraid to talk to her now, afraid of a lot of things. I'm doing my best, I don't want to lose her again. Same time I don't want her to let me go so easily. Things are rigid, things are okay, I don't know what to say. It's like, I'm chatting with her online, and things are simply..normal-ish, but the truth is, there is a weird feeling that pierces my heart, and its disturbing me. Maybe all I need is to see her again, and then I will feel better. Truth be told, it's really lonely here, seeing all other couples, even when I have my friends around, they're simply...friends. Different from what you call a spouse or lover. I don't, and I can't love them as much as I love Min...Sure, once or twice a day, we have a couple of laughs. I'm missing out on a lot of things in Min's life..she's even gone through the top 8 of her school's singing competition, 8 out of 36 people..and she's one of them, and I had no clue. If I were back there, I would, but yeah..I made the choice already. So boo-hoo. I'm just a little lost and confused, hoping to be cheered on, understood, just by her. It doesn't really matter if not many others don't understand my efforts, or don't cheer me on, the one person that I want, is seemingly too occupied in her life. I guess she earned her space, and I did mine, with this as consequence. I'm not too comfortable with this much space...I have nothing to fill in. Its merely emptiness. Sigh, well, I lost 60 pieces of sketches today, and I have to hand it in a few hours, thats during class, and I've done 42 in the past 3 hours, now finishing up I guess...My final presentation should be on Saturday, and I'll be back in Brunei on the 12th. But just my luck that on the 18th, school would have started. And here I thought that I'd be able to enjoy that one day that I'm looking forward to so much since I left Brunei...You know, I look around and I see understanding when I watch my two friends (couples)...I felt as if I've lost that..after some time. I guess I have to understand and comply, without regrets and complains, that Min is unable to contact me..due to certain reasons. Pain pain pain. Hollow hollow hollow. I hope this gap fills in when I return. Now that I see it, 4 years is a long time...what if she can't come here? What if she has to go elsewhere? Oh my..I'm just too terrified now. Anyways, just had to let out my paranoia, I hope you won't be angry or anything Min...I hope you can understand. Well, good night. Back to work for me..Wish me luck. And congratulations to Min for making the final 8 for the singing contest once more.
Monday, May 14, 2007
``
3:04 PM
Okaa-sannn~...
Well, life isn't easy, like what most people would say. Life is what you make of it I guess. Sometimes it can be shitty, especially when you're on the receiving end of shit. That holds true even more when same shit happens again and again, despite the promises that people have made, and the bonds that are supposedly solid and unbreakable become broken bonds. Well, you build life on that, I guess. You can dwell in the past, and look to the future, or just simply stay in the present, unaffected by your past, or future. Pros, cons. Thats what make people...people, I suppose. Some try hard, some don't bother trying, some pretend to be trying. Some are giving their all, while some merely ignore the fact that their lives are being supported by so many people trying their best to make them and others happy. This and that, bla bla bla. So many things. Some people give many excuses, which are void, merely because those excuses are just their one ticket out of certain things. Things that use to matter don't matter anymore. Break a sweat. What the heck. Anyways, its mother's day. Happy Mother's Day to all mothers, grandmothers and great-grandmothers. Wish my dear mother, and mother (in law to be) plus grandmother all the best, have a nice day, and thank you for putting us where we are today. I suppose its useless for me to hope Min will blog here anytime soon. I'll just do my best to keep this blog alive. Well, Ciao.
Saturday, May 05, 2007
``
1:31 AM
So I've been living in this world for 17, I've seen people come and go,
things happen in my life, people changing, I've felt pain, happiness,
sadness, evil, jealousy, love. I'm only a speck of the world's ever
increasing population. I've done things, things in my life, that may or may
not affect the life of others. I dunno, recently I've been looking at the
world and life at a totally different angle. Maybe because I've finally
escaped that 'nest', called home, away from my usual luxuries and comfort.
I've seen a portion of the world now. I can say its different. Its
competitive, difficult, complex, challenging, thrilling, fun...only if you
see it that way. I've been able to express myself more now, be more daring,
something I lacked before. I can speak my mind if I choose to, and do things
in the public which I normally wouldn't have done (no, not dance naked). I'm
changing of course, in a different kind of way. I look the same, maybe
gained a little weight or lost or perhaps gained a pimple or scar here and
there. I might've grown taller, but I'm not too sure of that. Well,
basically the inner me is changing, in a way or two. I look back, and I
realize, it felt like only yesterday, I received my O Level result slip,
like it was only yesterday, I saw my PMB results online, like only yesterday
I had only dreamt of escaping my 'nest', wanting to go to the United States
to be with someone whom I once loved, only yesterday I found out so many
things about God, only yesterday I held the hand, and kissed the cheeks of
the one I fell deeply in love with...So many things, but they seem to have
gone by so quickly. I'm now in a University, probably not so far away from
where I use to be in distance that can be measured, but my heart, my soul,
its not always here. I'm always dreaming of home. I'm always dreaming of the
old times. I dream of the people who have made me the person I am today, be
they my friend or foes now. They may remember me, or they may have forgotten
that I have once played a part in their own existance. People change, people
try, people give up, people do lots of stuff. What have you done? Who made
you you? Do you remember everyone's faces and their smiles, or what they've
done in your life? I doubt it. I can hardly remember half of the people I
use to know, and to think, I was once so sad about leaving them behind, but
now I can't remember them much. All thats left is a footprint in the sand,
waiting to be washed away by the waves. Memories fade away, and new ones are
made. I'm slowly taking steps toward what I envision to be my future,
although maybe things will never go as I fully planned it to be. I've made
it this far, and I won't give up that easily, although I may have slacked a
little here and there. Lol, sorry, so many random things eh? I dunno what
else to say now..all I know is, I've been studying a lot of psychology,
culture and all that lately..all part of assignments. Social Culture, what
people think of themselves, denial, empathy, egotism and all that shit.
Well, I guess thats all for now...will blog again soon. Time is
ever-precious, appreciate whatever time someone makes for you. They are
taking time off their own lives, off from their duties and responsibilities
for you. Don't let it go to waste for them and for you. Well, put it simply,
shit happens, sometimes I just seem to be at the end thats receiving shit.
Fix it, it breaks again. Thats how fragile lives are, I guess it depends on
how you pick them up and fix it again, and who you fixing it with...Feelings
are hard to fight. See everyone till the next entry, just trying to keep
this blog alive.
{Vin}IntroSs~
Name:: Kevin Tan, Vin, Tan, Kev, Kebin Boi, Shin, Kevie-kun, etc etc..
D.O.B:: 23rd March 1990
Horoscope Sign:: Aries
Chinese Zodiac:: Horse
Email:: lone_redwolf76@hotmail.com
Location:: BSB
School:: Chung Hwa- SRS Datuk Simon Fung- Maktab Nasional- St.George's School
Hometown:: Kota Kinabalu?
Places I'd like to visit:: I'd love to go around the world if I have the chance.
Loves:: MinMin, Friends, Food, Drawing, Anime, Reading, Sleeping, Sarcasm,
Chatting, Music, Writing, etc..
Fav. Colors:: Silver, Red,
Grey, Black, Blue
{Min}IntroSs~
Name:: Min, Call me RaiN~! xD
D.O.B:: November 01, 1989
Horoscop Sign:: ScorPio~!
Zodiac Sign:: Snake *psst psst* xP
Email:: dream_dynasty@Hotmail.Com, doublewish22@Yahoo.com
Location:: Brunei, Bandar Seri Begawan~
SchooL:: chms.
HomeTown:: Taiwan, Taipei~! (p/s: not kao hsiong xP)
Places I'd like to visit:: Japan, NewZealand, England, Canada, Italy, China~ Um... mostly Quiet and clean place =D
Loveees ♡~:: {most} like VinVin~! xD and my Lovely Peeps~~ Pamela, Manzy, Burt, Jessie, Aby, Irene~ and lalala~ xDD
Favv Colors:: Green Tea, Green~,
White~, Yellow~, Orange~
Darrlinkss.
Mei
Manzy
JamFleas
Josephine
Burt
Burt
Jessieca
Mary
Cindy
Justin
Irene
12-Dz
DivineAngels
RainMin
Vin
Min
` Memories.
June 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
May 2007
June 2007
November 2008
ã
Can you hear me?
Introduction: This blog layout is originally made by RainMin, credit from no one by myself =b.
