.::___M.u.g.e.n__W.i.s.h.e.S___::. The Lock of Love

Saturday, November 01, 2008 ``
1:01 AM

It's been a while.

If I only had one wish, in this one life, granted among the infinite wishes upon the stars, I'd wish for you back. Things haven't changed one bit. I'm still here, standing, perhaps almost kneeling, while waiting. I can't help it. Sometimes it hurts when it feels like I'm insignificant to you. I'd risk almost everything to be with you again. Maybe wishing that I could find that one bit of you that I could spark back into flames for me. But right now, maybe that's not possible. Let's see where my destiny leads me. But for now, this long winding road is where I'm walking, no straying away from you, nor my career path. God, help me be strong for what's to come...Anyways, Happy 19th Birthday to you. Although you might even read this much later...May your wishes come true today.

I care, I miss, I love, for every bit of you, regardless of everything.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007 ``
7:57 PM

Even if I have to wait months, years for it to come back, I will be patient and wait for it. I'm willing to place all the wishes worth wishing in my life, just for this one thing to come true. Hope things will be okay again soon. I know to some, I may seem like an idiot, but, this is what I've decided. Mugen-Wishes, will now go on hiatus, until this one wish of this idiotic person, comes true.

それ　じゃ、We'll start blogging again, I hope, someday.

Saturday, June 09, 2007 ``
10:38 PM

ゆめ。。。

Some people live their lives chasing their dreams. I'm chasing mine right now. Whether wind, hail, or storm, nothing will stand in my way. Some people chase dreams that are a little harder to achieve. I'd try to understand, if I could. But...my own deafening logic will chase all that understanding away. Bearing the responsibility as the eldest, I have shunned away one of my older dreams...something that seems to be difficult to reach, plus, it would not do my family any good, at least thats the conclusion that I've come to at this point in time. I would've abandoned almost everything, and leave everything behind to pursue this dream of mine. Haha, silly, don't you think? But its true, there are a lot of people like the old me out there... I dunno, at this moment, I'm trying to find something else to chase after. Something that I may enjoy doing, as well as something that lets me fulfill my responsibility as the eldest son, which is why I am here, doing what I'm doing, and have been doing for the past few months. Now, other than my family, I've got another responsibility in my hands now. Even though nobody ever says it, but I somehow...feel that I'm responsible for Min. She's got her own dreams, although I may not completely agree 100% with her, but at least, I'll try to support her a 120%. My only fear is being left alone, and shunned aside once more. So I beg to Min, at least, if you're still chasing that same dream, don't leave me out of your life..or anything like that. But know that I will be your backbone, as I've been for the past 2 years or less. Its not wrong to dream, dreams do come true, and sacrifices will be needed. I hope you will not sacrifice the wrong things, just to achieve that dream, I trust you won't, at least. Well, just want to let out some thoughts. Good Night...I love you.

Sunday, June 03, 2007 ``
3:25 PM

Hmm

Emo things aside, I've finished my first semester. Yay! Lol, see you guys back in Brunei...

Thursday, May 31, 2007 ``
12:21 AM

Well..

Min did suggest to shut down this site, but I didn't want that to happen. This site has followed both me and her through our relationship for almost 2 years, just a few days after we got together. Honestly, if you ask me right now, I dunno how things are between me and Min anymore. Is there any movement? Any progress? Probably I'm the one being distanced. I feel far away, afraid to talk to her now, afraid of a lot of things. I'm doing my best, I don't want to lose her again. Same time I don't want her to let me go so easily. Things are rigid, things are okay, I don't know what to say. It's like, I'm chatting with her online, and things are simply..normal-ish, but the truth is, there is a weird feeling that pierces my heart, and its disturbing me. Maybe all I need is to see her again, and then I will feel better. Truth be told, it's really lonely here, seeing all other couples, even when I have my friends around, they're simply...friends. Different from what you call a spouse or lover. I don't, and I can't love them as much as I love Min...Sure, once or twice a day, we have a couple of laughs. I'm missing out on a lot of things in Min's life..she's even gone through the top 8 of her school's singing competition, 8 out of 36 people..and she's one of them, and I had no clue. If I were back there, I would, but yeah..I made the choice already. So boo-hoo. I'm just a little lost and confused, hoping to be cheered on, understood, just by her. It doesn't really matter if not many others don't understand my efforts, or don't cheer me on, the one person that I want, is seemingly too occupied in her life. I guess she earned her space, and I did mine, with this as consequence. I'm not too comfortable with this much space...I have nothing to fill in. Its merely emptiness. Sigh, well, I lost 60 pieces of sketches today, and I have to hand it in a few hours, thats during class, and I've done 42 in the past 3 hours, now finishing up I guess...My final presentation should be on Saturday, and I'll be back in Brunei on the 12th. But just my luck that on the 18th, school would have started. And here I thought that I'd be able to enjoy that one day that I'm looking forward to so much since I left Brunei...You know, I look around and I see understanding when I watch my two friends (couples)...I felt as if I've lost that..after some time. I guess I have to understand and comply, without regrets and complains, that Min is unable to contact me..due to certain reasons. Pain pain pain. Hollow hollow hollow. I hope this gap fills in when I return. Now that I see it, 4 years is a long time...what if she can't come here? What if she has to go elsewhere? Oh my..I'm just too terrified now. Anyways, just had to let out my paranoia, I hope you won't be angry or anything Min...I hope you can understand. Well, good night. Back to work for me..Wish me luck. And congratulations to Min for making the final 8 for the singing contest once more.

Monday, May 14, 2007 ``
3:04 PM

Okaa-sannn~...

Well, life isn't easy, like what most people would say. Life is what you make of it I guess. Sometimes it can be shitty, especially when you're on the receiving end of shit. That holds true even more when same shit happens again and again, despite the promises that people have made, and the bonds that are supposedly solid and unbreakable become broken bonds. Well, you build life on that, I guess. You can dwell in the past, and look to the future, or just simply stay in the present, unaffected by your past, or future. Pros, cons. Thats what make people...people, I suppose. Some try hard, some don't bother trying, some pretend to be trying. Some are giving their all, while some merely ignore the fact that their lives are being supported by so many people trying their best to make them and others happy. This and that, bla bla bla. So many things. Some people give many excuses, which are void, merely because those excuses are just their one ticket out of certain things. Things that use to matter don't matter anymore. Break a sweat. What the heck. Anyways, its mother's day. Happy Mother's Day to all mothers, grandmothers and great-grandmothers. Wish my dear mother, and mother (in law to be) plus grandmother all the best, have a nice day, and thank you for putting us where we are today. I suppose its useless for me to hope Min will blog here anytime soon. I'll just do my best to keep this blog alive. Well, Ciao.

Saturday, May 05, 2007 ``
1:31 AM

So I've been living in this world for 17, I've seen people come and go,
things happen in my life, people changing, I've felt pain, happiness,
sadness, evil, jealousy, love. I'm only a speck of the world's ever
increasing population. I've done things, things in my life, that may or may
not affect the life of others. I dunno, recently I've been looking at the
world and life at a totally different angle. Maybe because I've finally
escaped that 'nest', called home, away from my usual luxuries and comfort.
I've seen a portion of the world now. I can say its different. Its
competitive, difficult, complex, challenging, thrilling, fun...only if you
see it that way. I've been able to express myself more now, be more daring,
something I lacked before. I can speak my mind if I choose to, and do things
in the public which I normally wouldn't have done (no, not dance naked). I'm
changing of course, in a different kind of way. I look the same, maybe
gained a little weight or lost or perhaps gained a pimple or scar here and
there. I might've grown taller, but I'm not too sure of that. Well,
basically the inner me is changing, in a way or two. I look back, and I
realize, it felt like only yesterday, I received my O Level result slip,
like it was only yesterday, I saw my PMB results online, like only yesterday
I had only dreamt of escaping my 'nest', wanting to go to the United States
to be with someone whom I once loved, only yesterday I found out so many
things about God, only yesterday I held the hand, and kissed the cheeks of
the one I fell deeply in love with...So many things, but they seem to have
gone by so quickly. I'm now in a University, probably not so far away from
where I use to be in distance that can be measured, but my heart, my soul,
its not always here. I'm always dreaming of home. I'm always dreaming of the
old times. I dream of the people who have made me the person I am today, be
they my friend or foes now. They may remember me, or they may have forgotten
that I have once played a part in their own existance. People change, people
try, people give up, people do lots of stuff. What have you done? Who made
you you? Do you remember everyone's faces and their smiles, or what they've
done in your life? I doubt it. I can hardly remember half of the people I
use to know, and to think, I was once so sad about leaving them behind, but
now I can't remember them much. All thats left is a footprint in the sand,
waiting to be washed away by the waves. Memories fade away, and new ones are
made. I'm slowly taking steps toward what I envision to be my future,
although maybe things will never go as I fully planned it to be. I've made
it this far, and I won't give up that easily, although I may have slacked a
little here and there. Lol, sorry, so many random things eh? I dunno what
else to say now..all I know is, I've been studying a lot of psychology,
culture and all that lately..all part of assignments. Social Culture, what
people think of themselves, denial, empathy, egotism and all that shit.
Well, I guess thats all for now...will blog again soon. Time is
ever-precious, appreciate whatever time someone makes for you. They are
taking time off their own lives, off from their duties and responsibilities
for you. Don't let it go to waste for them and for you. Well, put it simply,
shit happens, sometimes I just seem to be at the end thats receiving shit.
Fix it, it breaks again. Thats how fragile lives are, I guess it depends on
how you pick them up and fix it again, and who you fixing it with...Feelings
are hard to fight. See everyone till the next entry, just trying to keep
this blog alive.

Saturday, March 31, 2007 ``
12:33 AM

Phoenix Down

Final Harry Potter book out soon, I'd like to have it. Might pre-order.

Life in college is hectic, just received my final integrated project few days ago, that makes hell for me.

I recently failed my Life Drawing test in class, scoring 18/40, just because I didn't spend enough time measuring the position of objects and all that. Will work harder on the final project.

I'm being pressured up to 200%, and I'm exerting all that I can, doing everything I can just to finish my work, getting satisfactory marks. Having the need to redo at least 10++++ designs.

I'm feeling miserable.

I'm tired.

I lack sleep.

I have to save as much money as I can, though thats almost virtually impossible.

I need to have some fun.

I'm falling sick often.

I'm feeling lonely.

I need a stable internet connection.

I need a new blanket.

I need to lose my pimples, weight, and gain some height.

I need to lose stress.

I need something to fall back on.

I'm bored....Good Night. I just got home. Went to Lowyat to get a scanner/printer/photocopy. Rm330 flew away. Went for sushi. Rm110 flew away. Lol. Its hard to be thrifty.

Monday, March 19, 2007 ``
3:37 PM

Happy 21st Month dear!

Hooooo~ XD 21 Months together liao! Happy 21 months dear!

Here's a little something for Min!

I will love you more each and everyday,
Eventhough we've run out of things to say.
I will continue loving you on and on,
I assure you I won't leave you alone.
I will love you till my life is over,
I know I've been struck by love fever.
I will love you even if you don't love me anymore,
No matter how hurt, how sore.
I love you now more than I loved you then,
I will write another poem, when the time comes again.

Wahey, for more poetic goodies, visit my own blog. Hope Min blogs here. =)

I'll see you on our 2nd year anniversary! XD

Monday, March 12, 2007 ``
5:50 PM

Yes, we're a vain vain pair. XD Anyways, the final pic is truly the final picture I took in Brunei. Piggie Min. XD Love you lots!